Dealing with Loss

It’s okay to feel pain…

Currently listening to Euphoria Season 2 album by Labrinth.

I had just finished a crochet project when I received the news that "Koffy is Dead" at 9:24 p on January 3rd. I thought it was a joke, but I knew it wasn't. I couldn't stop the tears from running down my face.

I was hurt and it felt like I had lost a piece of myself that night, I mean her passing was very unexpected. I cried and cried for days because I was still in denial. I wanted someone to tell me she was sleeping and had woken up from her slumber. Every other day was a blur because I couldn’t cry anymore.

Everything was reminiscent of her. Every day, I miss her. I miss how I would run to her for advice, how I would make sure to share my photos with her as soon as I took them, how she would hype me up, how we would discuss music, and how she would make arrangements for us to hang out.

To me, she was both a SISTER and a MOTHER.

I asked myself a question later, “Molayo, what are you going to do with this pain?” I have to tell you, that was a good question and it needed to be answered. I mean, I could either sit here and cry some more, or I could begin the process of healing. I think she would agree with this, hence what I decided to do. Give me time.

When it comes to time and healing, we tend to place a lot of pressure on ourselves. We feel compelled to set deadlines for everything in our life, including grieving, for various reasons. I decided to give myself as much time as I needed. If it's quick, that's great; if it takes a while, that's also great. I took that pressure off and let the healing begin.

I am grateful for the help and support I received during the process. I went out a few times to clear my brain and socialize. It was good to have people who cared about me.

Dealing with loss has never been an easy route for anyone, and there is no way to avoid it. Even if we approach grief differently, no one's method of mourning is invalid. True, some people heal faster than others, but no one is immune to pain.

I know our hearts break when we remember what we've lost, yet we always find ourselves smiling, not just because it brightens our face, but because we know we're a source of strength for others...

Some people feel compelled to suppress their pain or hasten their recovery because everyone expects them to be strong. Even when they are in pain, they put on a happy front.

I have blamed myself for not being there for them enough when they were alive, I have shut people out just so I could grieve, and I have tried asking Why without getting an answer. But I have learned that taking it easy and letting go lets the healing process go faster. I don't only mean letting go of what we've lost; it also means letting go of the flaws of others. We must forgive ourselves as well as others.

If you're going through a difficult moment right now, the truth is, I'm at loss for words and I honestly have no idea how you're feeling.

No one, not even those who have experienced a similar situation, knows exactly how you are feeling right now. But I hope you make it through, that time heals you, that your broken heart mends with each teardrop, and that one day you realize that they want you to live and be happy.

I hope you understand that it wasn't your fault and that there was nothing you could have done to keep them or change the circumstance.

I hope you stop blaming yourself and feeling guilty, and I hope you stop wishing you could swap places with the deceased.

I have faith in you because you are stronger than you think. However, cry if you need to, scream as loud as your lungs can carry you, and take as much time as you will need while you're hurting.

XOXO 🤞🏾.